Back to Square One

My childhood was like "life in a bubble". I didn't really know anything beyond the horizons of the bubble or rather, never felt the need to know. By God's grace I'm blessed with some friends on whom I can actually count on. My parents have instilled the upbringing in me that there are no short cuts to success. I always had to put in a lot of hardwork to get whatever I wanted; even if that was a toy. I was so content being with my friends and just attending school, doing my homework, being disciplined and innocent that I never felt the need to know anything beyond these limits. And like all good things have to come to an end, the bubble finally burst !
The consequences... well, I don't know whether I should refer to it as good or bad. But I guess everything has its positives and negatives. That's how life gets balanced at every stage. The positive part was that I actually realised that not all people in the world are as good, caring, disciplined, reliable and honest as you are. It was the very first lesson I learnt in life... had to pay a very high price for learning this lesson, but I think it was worth it ! If I had not been through that phase in my life I don't think I would have been so strong today.
And that's not all, like the bud of love blossoms in everyone's life for the first time, I've been through that phase as well... and that was a very long phase... very long... because I can never call 5 yrs. a short time ! ... Learnt a lot during those 5 yrs., but I won't be mentioning it here since I think I would be invading some people's privacy by mentioning about the happenings. During those 5 yrs. I wasn't myself, but it felt more like living someone else's life, someone who's attitude didn't even match one inch with that of mine. Ethics, principles, values, culture, honesty, studies etc. had all taken a backseat in life. Clashes with family and close friends and become an everyday thing. I never thought I could put my life back together after those 5 yrs. ... but I guess time is the healer of all wounds... ups and downs are a part of life and we have to very much learn to deal with it in order to survive and emerge as a winner. I still don't understand what went wrong there... whether I was wrong or it was destiny who went wrong ! But as they say among dark clouds is always a silver lining. Some people leave your life and some enter in. When I was at a very critical stage in life and needed that emotional support, it was like God had sent his angel to help me come out of that depression. My brother entered my life at this very significant point. And provided me with all that support and care I needed at that time. I'll never be able to repay him for what he has done for me. More like a teacher and a guru he guided me through those tough times and continues to do so even today. Gradually, as time passed by I was all set to face the challenges of life with an all new mindset and a brand new thinking. The practice of yoga and meditation had brought about drastic changes to my life. My anger had simply vanished into thin air; it now takes me ages to actually get angry over something or someone, all thanks to my brother.
I started believing that this is probably not the right time to think about crushes and commitments and relationships but instead focusing more on your career and studies. Social and personal life will follow. For about a year I didn't even feel attracted towards any guy. There could be a lot of reasons for that - one being that i was actually scared of ever having to go through the same emotional trauma again. I distanced myself from many people for unknown reasons. Ethics, principles, hardwork, friends have suddenly started gaining the importance it used to hold in school days.
Now it seems like I've mentally moved back to "the bubble". I have no idea when the bubble would burst once again... but I hope it does soon !!! ... Till then I'm back to Square One ...